Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
