your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
