So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This toilet bowl is my home.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
