I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
