i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
