I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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