normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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