You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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