I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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