I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
