Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
