you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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