I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
