theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
