We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
