Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
