I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
