I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
