Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
