Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
