oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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