PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
