I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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