hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
