If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
