in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
