just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
