We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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