i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
