don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
