Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
