I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
