Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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