Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
