I'm lost and stupid without you.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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