i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We left the knife in your bed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
