My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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