I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
