We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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