Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
