like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
3pm strippers are depressing
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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