What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
