i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
