You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
