Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
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