i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
