We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
