Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
