jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
