distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
