My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
