You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
