Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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