i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
